…and why is choice necessary to build your courage and confidence?
Every time I form a concrete belief in my mind, I look to see how nature does it.
Because aren’t we from nature, after all?
Nature doesn’t choose who gets sunshine or rain. It’s abundant. Everyone and everything gets both.
Nature gives us Choice. To Choose is our nature.
As human beings, we are from nature, which means we are also fundamentally beings of Choice.
Choice = Autonomy (Personal Freedom)
In other words, we allow ourselves to be, do, act and speak in the way we choose. And similarly, refrain from telling others how to be, do, act or speak.
In our home:
- Each person, including Jian, is free every day to make his own choices, as long as those choices don’t interfere with or violate each other’s personal freedom.
- Everyone’s needs are equally important, and no one is considered superior to others.
- Our individual strengths and weaknesses differ, and the power we each exude based on those strengths or weaknesses comes from our ability to convince or compromise, after taking everyone’s choices into account.
I went from thinking I understood Choice, to actually understanding it and, finally, living it in a span of 4 years.
These 4 years have shifted me in more ways than anything else I’ve ever done in my 38 years.
My entire transformation boils down to one thing…how I’ve claimed and integrated Choice back into my life.
Choice is a human being’s birthright.
The power to choose our thoughts, words, actions, relationships, situations…ANYTHING, is transformational. But first, we must believe that it’s inside us. When we understand that Choice is ours to keep, we find ourselves in a position of responsibility and accountability that can change the trajectory of our lives.
Understanding that I have the power to choose is the reason I can parent in a way where things that would normally feel uncomfortable, uncertain, unknown, unconventional, and uncontrollable feel safe. I can explore them and verify their truth, for myself and by myself.
The contrast of understanding Choice and living it are worlds apart.
The first has you stuck with a level of fear in your mind.
The other has you operating on a level of freedom.
But deconstructing the difference is a practice. The degree to which we practice claiming Choice back into our lives is the degree to which we experience its freedom.
Here are 5 questions I consistently deconstruct to claim Choice for myself and, in turn, to honor Jian’s Choice:
- What does having Choice mean to me, and what does it mean to him?
- How can I be more authentic, and create the conditions for him to be as well?
- How can I own my worth, and honor his worth?
- What can I become responsible for, and hold him responsible to?
- How can I stay accountable to my values, and hold him accountable to his?